How do you handle criticism?

I recently had a performance review in my teaching job. 

The process involves writing an extensive self-reflection, evaluations from my students and classroom observations by my peers.

After more than 20 years of teaching, the process still stirs up doubts in me. 

No – I don’t doubt that I can teach. 

But I can easily overthink what my peers will think, what they’ll say I need to work on, and so on. 

I began teaching journalism when I was 30 – not much older than some of my college students, younger than many of my professor peers, and just a few months from having been a daily newspaper reporter. 

I had no teaching experience. 

So, along with my reporting skills and enthusiasm, I also carried in a briefcase full of self-doubt into my classroom. 

I felt like such an imposter. 

I approached teaching as I’d approached reporting – I rolled up my sleeves and I faked it until I could make it. 

I loved my students, but I didn’t feel supported by my colleagues. 

Now, I can see that I wasn’t great at asking for help or knowing how to receive their feedback. 

Back then, I only heard criticism when my dean said I had too many ums and ahs during my lectures.

I felt judged when my colleague told me I should ask more questions that required critical thinking.

I felt disrespected when some peers criticized the student publication I advised – saying it was full of errors.

And like so many women I know, I used their feedback to fuel the story in my head that I wasn’t good enough.

It’s no wonder that I looked like I was doing fine, but I felt like shit a lot of the time.

At the time, all I could think was that I needed a new boss or a new job.

Surely – changing the situation would change how I felt. 

Instead I spent a lot of time complaining about my work to my friends over glasses of wine or eating over it. 

Honestly, it was my desire to work on my overeating that led me to life coaching. 

The emotions I was avoiding dealing with at work, home, and in life were fueling my stress eating. 

As I peeled away the layers and learned to apply what I learned in coaching – sure, I shed weight, but more importantly, I’ve learned to feel. 

And I’ve learned that I can choose how to feel about challenges in my job and trust that I can handle any situation or emotion that it evokes.

Fast forward to my review this week, and it would be easy to say…oh, things went better since I have more teaching experience and I’ve grown confidence. 

But that would dismiss the inner work I’ve done, and how I’ve developed self-trust. 

And because I’ve learned self-trust around food, I can take that skill and also trust myself to speak up in any meeting and to feel any emotion.

I went into my review this week having decided that no matter what words were shared in my feedback, I wouldn’t use any of them against myself. 

I decided I’d have my own back. 

And knowing THAT, my friends, is so much more satisfying than losing weight.