Do old photos make you cringe?

When this photo came across my Facebook memories, it made me pause.

Sure, a lot has changed since the photo was taken…my daughter (in the yellow tee) is now taller than me, my mom (just behind her) now lives three doors down from me, and I’ve since lost more than 60 pounds. 

When the photo came across my feed two years ago, I looked away. 

Then my mom shared the photo on her page. 

And I said to myself, “I can’t believe she shared that fat photo of me!” 

My first instinct was to untag myself to make sure none of my friends would see the photo in my feed.

I wanted to control how the photo was seen, and, more likely, how I was seen. 

It took me a few minutes to hear the words that my brain had spewed…

I can’t believe she shared that fat photo of me.

I paused. 

And then I chuckled to myself. 

My mom sharing this photo had absolutely nothing to do with me or my size. 

It was a happy memory for her -- she’d spent the day with her niece, her daughter, and our children. 

“Huh…?” I thought to myself. How many times have I made my memories about how *I* looked or felt in the photo, and not about the experience?

Ummm….the answer to that would be A LOT.

It took me about 10 minutes to hear my thoughts and to calm my brain the f*ck down. 

Even after losing weight, it still surprises me that my brain has so many negative thoughts on a regular basis. And this is why learning to tune into my thinking has been even more important than the pounds lost. 

I could easily have spent hours or days annoyed about this photo being shared of me...spent my time trying to control it, and when I couldn’t...I would have turned to food to numb my feelings.

Now, I can look at the photo and I can remember how sweet it was to see my daughter grab her young cousin’s hand and hold it as they ran across the grass. 

I can remember how happy my mom was, and how good it was to spend time with my cousin (who lives abroad). 

I’ve also worked with enough women as a life and weight loss coach to know that it doesn’t matter if we have 5 pounds or 50 pounds to lose, many of us consistently tear ourselves down -- especially when we look at our own photos. 

This is our work. 

What I know for sure is that losing a few pounds is nice, but the real work is losing the negative thinking. 

And I can help.