Are you waiting to feel appreciated?

My family spent a few days in Lake Tahoe this week for spring break. 

It was a much-needed break for all of us, but if I’m being honest, family trips don’t always feel like a break for me as a mom. 

A year ago, we headed to the beach for spring break. 

We took extra covid precautions and booked a house for our family, and packed most of our meals with us to avoid having to dine in different restaurants. 

Of course, that meant me shopping and planning ahead before we left. 

After a two-hour drive to the beach, we unloaded the car and I began emptying grocery bags. 

As I did, my kids and husband began rummaging for snacks – and eating their way through bags I was still unpacking. 

I found myself getting so irritated with them. 

Here’s some of what was running through my mind…

I can’t believe you. 

I’m not even done unpacking.

Can you give me a second to put stuff away?

You can’t even appreciate how much work this was!

You don’t appreciate what I did.

Bingo. 

I heard that last sentence (in my mind) loudly. 

I just wanted to feel appreciated. 

I just wanted my family to turn to me and say “Thanks, mom.” 

And if you’re thinking this story ends with them telling me that…it doesn’t. 

But what I heard clearly was that I wanted to feel appreciated. 

So, I paused and appreciated myself. 

I literally took a few minutes…and acknowledged myself for everything that I did to make that trip happen: to book the house, to plan, to pack, and to get us there. 

How often do we wait for our loved ones, our friends, or our bosses to make us feel appreciated? 

We wait to be acknowledged by the people in our lives – without taking the time to acknowledge ourselves. 

Sure – it’s great to hear praise from others and I love when my family does that. 

But I’ve also learned that when I let go of that expectation, I relax. 

I’m not snapping at my family, or carrying a grudge around.

I’m not a bundle of anxiety from being wound up – or turning to food or a cocktail to soothe my frayed nerves during family gatherings.

And listen…I’m definitely not saying that we need to take it all on. 

I’m the first to delegate and ask for help. 

But I am saying that waiting to hear praise from others before we feel better is not working.

So, as you gather with family this week, what are you waiting to hear? 

Can you offer those kind words to yourself first?